How to Know if the Guy You're Dating is Right for You

Written by CGD - Thu 30th Sep 2021

Finding the right guy can be challenging.  Once you start dating someone, you should ask yourself important questions to determine whether he's right for you.  It's very easy to get caught up in the moment and let your emotions take over from common logic.  You should think about whether you share common values and interests, how you communicate with each other and how he makes you feel, and whether he treats you with respect.  Once you determine your priorities and evaluate your relationship, set some time aside to have a conversation with him about your future together.

Working Out Your Priorities 1. Think about your beliefs and values
1.  Think about your beliefs and values.  If the person you're dating is right for you, the two of you will share common core beliefs and values.   While these values will vary from couple to couple, it is important to think about what is your priority to you in life and whether or not your partner also values these things.

• Beliefs and values are not the same as common interests.
• For example, love, care, trust and respect are values, while sports and television are interests.

2.  Consider your common interests.  It's  important to have some common interests with the guy you're dating.  Your relationship should go beyond amazing chemistry.  Think about the things you both like to do, and how you spend your time when you're together.  Not having a lot of common interests isn't a deal breaker but both partners should be willing to try out some activities the other person enjoys.

• Make a list of your interests and then put a star beside interests that you share with him.

3.  Decide what's important to you in a relationship.  It's important to be clear about what matters most to you when you're trying to work out if the guy you're dating is a good fit.  Sit down and make a list of things that are important to you in a relationship.

• Some examples include spending quality time together, sharing similar life goals, and mutual respect.

Evaluating Your Relationship

1.  Ask yourself how you feel when you're together.  He should make you feel good about yourself, valuing you as a person, your kindness and intelligence.  If a guy is right for you, you should have fun while you are together.  The right guy will make you feel loved, appreciated and valued.

• Try asking yourself , "How do I feel when I'm in the company of this guy?"
• Make a list of how you felt when you were in his company
• Some examples of the feelings you may have experienced could include happy, sad, anxious, curious and excited.

2.  Think about whether you bring out the best in each other.  If you're dating the right guy you should bring out the best in one another.  This means encouraging each other to grow in all aspects of your lives - emotionally, personally, and professionally.  The right guy brings out your best personality traits, and you do the same for him

Try making a list of your best qualities and behaviours.  Then ask yourself, whether he brings out these things in me?

• Some examples might include having a positive outlook, acting with kindness towards other, having a glass half full attitude.

3.  Watch out for guys who only connect sporadically.  If he only contacts you sporadically or relies predominately on email, text, or social media to make plans, it could be a sign he's not that into you.  This is also the case if he only wants to see you when he wants something like money, sex or a shoulder to cry on.

Making Your Decision

Reflect on your feelings.  After you determine your priorities and evaluate your relationship, you should reflect on your feelings.  Think about how the relationship as a whole makes you feel.  Pay attention to your intuition or gut feeling about this person.  If you feel that he isn't right for you, consider ending the relationship.

Make a list of positives and negatives.  When you are trying to decide if your relationship is a good fit, it is important to reflect on both the negative and positive aspects of the relationship.  Take a piece of paper and make two columns - one for the positive things and one for the negative things.  After completing each column, reflect on the relationship as a whole.

• Positive aspects might include effective communication, mutual respect, equal love and bringing out the best in you.
• Negative issues might include emotional of physical abuse, not respecting your opinions, and not sharing common values or goals.